> Expanding VMS Bigot List..

-Alan Bruns

Posted to comp.os.vms by Alan Chee without attribution:

You know you're a VMS bigot when:

• You think case sensitivity is some ones idea of an April Fools joke
  
• You keep trying to use the EDT keypad in Word.
  
• You know why the SHOW SYSTEM display had to have the "system uptime" field increased beyond 999 days.
  
• You have the complete VMS docset on display in your living room.
  
• Your mail file doesn't grow to the size of the national debt.
  
• You expect upper AND lower case to work the same way
  
• You wish your car was as reliable as your computer
  
• You keep wanting Digital to produce "Visual DCL"
  
• You don't think about the Milky Way when you hear the word "Galaxy"
  
• You travel to Nashua twice a year, to get the newest fashion in T-shirts and jackets
  
• You know where NT stores its data if they really need it to be saved
  
• You know what Wes Melling was talking about, saying: "When you absolutely can't tolerate down-time"
  
• If you think that the word "legacy" refers to the next generation of Lego toys that your kids want.
  
• You remember the VAXworks group
  
• PATCH is your favorite text editor
  
• You can cite chapter and verse in the docset
  
• You know what the bars on the wall in front of ZKO spell
  
• The first thing you think of when you see a dollar sign isn't money
  
• You refer to Unix as the only commercially available computer virus
  
• When you know that the console sequence to force quorum recalculation without crashing the cluster.
  
• When your Exchange mail is set to auto-forward to STAR
  
• When you know the boot file sequences to make an efficient TU58 console boot tape.
  
• You insist on typing SET DEF [-] at your PC's DOS prompt
  
• Your LOGIN.COM exceeds 200 block and is on its thousand-something version
  
• Your LOGIN.COM file contains its own debugging language
  
• Your LOGIN.COM is written in Macro
  
• When you need to discipline the kids at home, you refer to it as CMKRNL time
  
• You think that "grep, awk, yacc" sounds like a death rattle
  
• When you hear ICBM's you don't think of nuclear warfare
  
• You know what happened November 17, 1858
  
• You wonder why folks spend extra for a BACKUP tool
  
• You feel like you're using a crayon when you're working on a PC
  
• You still have a VAX architecture manual
  
• You can retrieve a file from another system with a one-line command instead of running a program, logging into the remote systems, and getting the file.
  
• None of your hardware uses PCI
  
• You tend to type a dollar sign in front of most verbs
  
• You think EXCHANGE is an OpenVMS utility for manipulating mass storage volumes
  
• You don't understand why e-mail needs to be in a format that uses half a megabyte of disk space for a one-page document.
  
• You maintain OpenVMS accounts on your workstation for coworkers who have migrated to PCs
  
• You think a form with one page of information should fit on your screen without scrolling
  
• You know what INSQTI means
  
• You know that fork queue is not an insult
  
• When you type $show dev d at the c:\ prompt and expect it to work
  
• You need a mouse with three buttons and the middle button is useful
  
• You turn 40 and tell friends that your are 28 hex
  
• A normal date is written as dd-mmm-yyyy
  
• You never saw the euphemism in "VAX Headroom"
  
• You expect all machine instruction to work left to right
  
• You can solve any problem with a TECO macro
  
• Your favorite "portable" language is TECO
  
• You see the movie Spawn and keep thinking about sub-processes
  
• You think Carl Sagen was wrong about "Galaxies"
  
• The only question about restoring a backup is finding it
  
• You believe a computer might handle more than one user at a time
  
• You feel Robert Frost was talking about quotas when he said: "Good fences make good neighbors"
  
• You presume that calling between languages "just works"
  
• You do not expect the previous version of your file to be destroyed by the new one
  
• You still measure performance in VUPS
  
• You understand that 'open' is a silent prefix
  
• You know there is more to bliss than ignorance
  
• You know RMS does not mean 'root mean square'
  
• The concept of a blue screen of death is foreign to you
  
• You think that a command line interface is better than a GUI
  
• You're surprised to find out that "cluster" is a new concept
  
• You have forgotten how to reboot because your system's been up so long
  
• You reboot your desktop station once every 15 months (and only because a tornado caused a city-wide power blackout)
  
• You don't have to reboot your workstation daily
  
• You know you can find out how to use a command by typing help and get it
  
• You use your VMS system to backup important files from your PC
  
• You don't need the UNIX for Dummies and Windows for Dummies to perform simple functions
  
• You want nothing to do with eunuchs
  
• You choke on your coffee when someone tells you Microsoft does clusters
  
• You Laugh when someone tells you they are certified for PC systems programming.
  
• You use SDA as your CLI
  
• Your debugger is Delta or xdelta
  
• You have no difficulties with using Debug in six windows on a VT100
  
• You know for sure that you will never meet a TPU macro virus
  
• You really can't think of anything Bill Gates actually invented
  
• The most useful app on your PC is Telnet
  
• The second most useful app on your PC is the CD player
  
• You never thought I was that bright to begin with.
  
• You know why the VMS development machine is named STAR
  
• You are still seeking "Compose Character" key on your PC keyword
  
• You answer 52.444 when someone asks your address
  
• You can talk about clusters with over 10 nodes
  
• You have to drive your car to ready the other Cluster nodes
  
• You have used patch/abs to patch an Alpha image and it worked
  
• The Pacific Northwest is still best known for its trees.
  
• You know what PMDF stands for
  
• You don't exit your editor when you leave for a two week vacation
  
• You actually expect your mail to work
  
• You don't follow up an email with a phone call and a fax
  
• You think that Microsoft is a new type of softserve ice cream
  
• You see no reason at all for a _minimum_ password lifetime.
  
• You know that the kernel is part of the operating system not Mr. Sanders first name
  
• You can use threads for more than sewing
  
• You can convert your phone number to hex
  
• You can use SDML
  
• You know what SDML stands for